Building a Life After Divorce

If you are considering divorce, or are in the middle of a divorce, you may worry about how you will begin to rebuild your life. Divorces can take a toll on a person, both financially and emotionally, which is why it is important to consider what it is you envision for your life following a divorce. By determining what it is you want at the end of this process, you are better equipped to stay on track and are more likely to experience a healthy divorce, benefiting you and your children.

Statistics show that more than 65% of women consider dating again following a divorce within the first year. There are numerous considerations which need to be taken when a divorced parent begins to rebuild their personal, family, and financial lives. Namely, it is important to plan for how re-entering the dating sphere will impact children.

You may want to consider taking the following steps if you choose to date after a divorce. You will want to ensure that the entire process is a healthy one for both you and your children. The following are important factors to consider as you begin rebuilding your life following a divorce and entering the dating scene.

• Validate and Reassure. Have age-appropriate conversations with your children, continuously reassuring them throughout the discussion that they are your main priority. If they become angry or frustrated do not get defensive, rather be sure to take the time to listen and validate their feelings.
• Take Caution with Introductions. You should consider your boundaries regarding who you will and will not introduce to your children. Remember that children can get easily attached, and if that person goes away when you stop dating, they may feel more anxious and stressed because of their inability to control the situation.
• Sleepovers. Take your time in deciding whether to have someone sleep at your home. Your house is a safe space for your family, and if your children see strangers there during mornings or late evenings, they may feel that you are being taken away from them or that someone is threatening their time with you.
• Allow Expression of Feelings. Make sure you always listen to your children regarding their feelings. In some cases, children will attempt to manipulate the situation to gain some sort of control. However, you should always take the time to make them feel heard, helping them to work through their issues.
• Honesty is the Best Policy. Make sure you are honest with your children and with anyone you date. You can let your children know that they are a priority in your life, but that you will be visiting with new friends. You should also always let any new romantic interests know that you have children. Honesty is always the best policy.

Other areas of your life may need to be rebuilt following your divorce. Consider the following ways to forge your path in a new and positive direction after your divorce is finalized.

• Period of Mourning. You may want to take some time to mourn your marriage. It is now over, and part of the life you thought you would have had is now gone forever. You may have had an idea of the direction you thought your life would go, and that is now lost. Consider working with a counselor to help you move through this process in the healthiest way possible.
• Take Time for Yourself. You may feel like you need to be everything to everyone now that your spouse is gone, particularly to your friends and children. Your friends may have missed being with you because you were going through a divorce and want your time. Your children may want more of your attention simply because they are going through an emotional time as well. Make sure that you take time for yourself during this time of rebuilding to give yourself the fresh start you deserve.
• Set Goals. Take this time to set some new goals for yourself and your new future. This will give you a sense of optimism and accomplishment once you achieve them. Have you always wanted to garden? Volunteer? Get healthier? Grow in your spiritual life? Travel? Learn a language? Now is the time to decide how you want your new life to look.

If you are considering a divorce in Charlotte, North Carolina, contact our compassionate and understanding family law attorneys at Arnold & Smith, PLLC at 704.370.2828 or online for a consultation. We can help you understand your legal rights and help you with your next steps to building a new life.