Reinventing Yourself After Divorce

Every person handles challenges in life differently. Divorce is no exception, and in most cases, divorce can be one of the most stressful and anxiety-producing events of a person’s life. During a divorce, most people may find themselves in an endless sea of emotion and well-meaning, yet unhelpful advice. If you have long been a wife or husband, your identity is probably tangled up in who you are in that capacity. After a divorce, however, most people need some time to try and recreate themselves and learn how they work outside of that former position in the world. The following examples are some ways of rediscovering yourself and creating an even stronger picture of yourself after your divorce.

The reality is your marriage has ended. Face what truth exists for you now head-on, and spend some quality time contemplating the vision you previously held for your life. Ultimately, you are facing grief, as the life you expected has now ended, and you must create a new life for yourself, and possibly for your children. There are multiple stages of grief, and these exist following any traumatic event in a person's life. It is imperative that you give yourself time and compassion to learn to balance where you are now, and where you want to be in the future. Make sure this process involves relinquishing resentment, hatred, and anger. Such feelings are always self - destructive. You have to push through those emotions to become something positive and new and get to the other side. Meeting with a counselor is often helpful in managing this process.

Spending time alone is one of the best gifts that you can give yourself. You might want to have meetings, dates, events, and people occupy your time. Perhaps you may find a coping mechanism in becoming a workaholic. None of these methods will help you actually discover who you are or help you process to the next levels of psychological health. These types of actions may work for a short period by obscuring the real work that needs to be done and simply placing a band-aid over the pain. To really reinvent yourself after a divorce you need to spend time alone. Take time to think, learn, and just meditate on who you have been, who you want to become, and how you want to get there. That can really be a fresh start for you. To know where you want to be, you have to figure out which direction you want to go.

The next step is to set some goals. As you take time to grieve and make decisions about what you want the rest of your life to look like, you may start to feel a sense of optimism. As you spend time alone, you may discover that after reading some books, or thinking about your future, you have ideas you never thought of before. Do you suddenly want to go traveling? Have a desire for something new to learn? Looking for a new career? Considering volunteering for a local charity? Making the decision to get healthier? Thinking of reading more? Wanting to gain some substantial ground in your spiritual life? Find a whole new set of friends? Save even more money? Whatever your goal is, you need time alone in order to figure it out so that you can go after it. Take this time to really take on new tasks and rediscover how you fit into your family, how you interact with your friends, and who you want to be in the world. Spend time in different places, with different people. This is ultimately your chance to redefine yourself.

You may feel overwhelmed at the beginning of what is essentially an entirely new life chapter for you. It is ultimately all about perspective. If you are considering divorce, we would welcome the opportunity to consult with you about your legal rights and how you can begin to achieve your new goals. Contact an experienced divorce lawyer at Arnold & Smith, PLLC in Mooresville, North Carolina at 704.370.2828 or online today for your free consultation.